Relationship Toxicity

So, you’re in a relationship. Everything was peaches and cream when you two first met. You did everything together. Sent each other cute text messages, called each other everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. You were always up under each other. Then all of a sudden, things change. The calls become less frequent, the text messages are short, and the time seems to be far fetch. You start to ask yourself is this really the relationship for me? Is this the person you are destined to be with? You evaluate everything going on, and decide to fight for it to make it work. Because everyone goes through rough patches in their relationships, correct? While this may be true, not all relationships are worth fighting for. Here’s why: Some relationships are meant to be lessons. they aren’t meant to last. Relationships can be toxic to your health if they aren’t healthy relationships. 

A lot of people believe putting all their time and energy into a relationship is the key to making it work. Wrong! This is not the key to making it work. This is to key draining all of the energy out of you. Women differ completely from men when it comes to views on relationships. Men don’t handle stress as well as woman. Whether they admit to it or not, it’s true. It’s in our nature to deal with these things. Why, you may ask? The reason is simple. We bare children. Anybody who is a parent, knows raising children can be stressful. It’s job within itself. This is why we come equipped with the capability to deal with stress. Children can put a strain on any relationship, especially if it was not planned. This is why it is so important to balance out the level of energy you put into a relationship. If you have children, they can take away from the energy you use to put into the relationship. Not only that, it can put a damper on the amount of time you all spend with each other. So, when you go into a relationship with the mentality of investing all your time and energy into making it work, please know that it will not work. You will drain yourself out faster.

Another fatal mistake made in a relationship, is not having room for space. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean you all can’t give each other space. There is always a need for personal time. On both ends. Being up under each other all the time, can make the relationship become dull and boring. It’s alright to separate from each other for a few hours out of the day. This is when a strong level of trust comes into play. You have to be able to trust the fact that the other person won’t do things to hurt or embarrass you. This is one of the main reasons why relationships fail. One or both of you have trust issues, so you feel the need to monitor the persons whereabouts or question their actions. This will cause the other person for feel suffocated. You never want to smother the person you’re in a relationship with. This will put a big strain on the relationship and arguments will become more frequent. It’s alright to hang out with the girls or the fellas every now and then. As long as this does not become a frequent thing. Don’t give your partner a reason to suspect anything and the trust will remain.

Money, money, money! This is almost always a relationship battle. This is usually the number one leading cause of failed relationships. One person is the breadwinner, so they feel superior to the other and start to belittle them. Never ever do this! Your relationship will fail. Money should be discussed in detail especially if you are living together. This goes back to my previous article Budgeting Blues: 7 Tips to helping your pockets. When in a relationship, it is mandatory that you all create a budget. This cuts down on the unnecessary spending from the other person. This also helps to know where and how the money is being spent in the house. If you aren’t living together, then money should not be an issue. To break a common relationship myth, it is alright to have separate accounts. Sure have a main account where you have all the bill money deposited to, that’s necessary. But, I get that you all may have personal expenses that need to be taken care of. Have a separate account for it. She may want to get her hair and nails done, he may want the latest pair of Jordan’s that just came out or whatever the case may be. It is alright to have this in a different account. This way you don’t have to ask each other for the money and have to worry about questions as to why you need the money or what are you going to do with it. If you all are both working, then this shouldn’t be an issue. Now if you’r partner isn’t work and you are maintaining all the bills in the house, then it’s perfectly normal to want to question how the money is being spent. But, there is a way you do this. After you’ve taken care of all the household expenses, your partner may ask you for money to do this or to do that, and that’s fine. Create a budget for your partner. Give them a set amount of money to do as they please out of your check. This way your partner isn’t blind to what, where, and how the money is being spent. This also creates a balance between the two of you.

Another important key factor to remember is, there are only two of you in the relationship. Listening to outside sources, can be detrimental to a relationship and cause a lot of strain. If your partner tells you they are going to a particular place, please have the amount of trust within yourself to know that they are going to be at that place. You are in a relationship with you and your partner. Not your friends, co-workers, family members, or social media. The only two people that should know what’s going on in your relationship is you and your partner. If you keep that in mind, arguments will become less frequent and assumptions, insecurities, and loyalty will not have to be questioned. If there are problems within a relationship, don’t go tell your friends. Don’t go to family members, and please, please, please do not put it on social media. I’ve seen relationships fall apart because of these actions. Discuss the problem amongst yourselves. Remember there is a time and a place for everything. Don’t let your problems be noticed by other people when you are out about or at family gatherings. People will sense the tension between the two of you and use this to their advantage.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me! This is very important to have. Remember you are both grown. No matter the age difference, you are both grown. Respect your partner. Don’t treat them any different than you’d want to be treated. Don’t say things you know you’ll regret. A tongue may not have bones, but it’s one of the most powerful weapons used. When we were growing up, my parents would say things like sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Wrong! The older you get, the more you start to realize the impact words can have on you, especially coming from the one person whose supposed to respect you. Once you say them, you can’t take them back and they have a lasting effect. Even if you all disagree on things as this will happen, remember to respect your partner’s difference of opinion. Respect their ideas.

And last but not least, the most important part of the relationship is sex. Sex is always a touchy subject for people in relationships, because you worry. You worry if your partner is satisfied. Sex will change over time, as the relationship grows. That doesn’t mean it should stop. Stopping sex in a relationship indicates unforeseen problems that probably should be addressed by a professional. Sex should be discussed between the two of you. Find out what excites your partner. Everybody is different, so you can’t have a set mentality as to how your partner likes to be please. Don’t be afraid to explore your partner’s body. Some people are afraid to deviate from the norm. It’s alright to do so. This keeps your partner wanting you more. This opens your partner up to you. Also role play if you must. It excites the bedroom and liven up the mood. Don’t get so comfortable in the bedroom, that sex becomes a routine. I understand that you all work and you may be too tired to have sex. Engage in oral sex. If you aren’t that good at it, that’s alright. Discuss this with your partner. Find out how he or she likes it. Watch a few videos together. This opens you all up to new ideas and positions that may help you reach that G-spot. Try being intimate with you partner. Stimulate their sense. It’s not all about penetration. Take your time. Run his or her bath water. Light candles. Feed them fruit. Converse with them. Explore their minds as well. This opens their bodies. Understand that the person may not be as experienced as you are, and you should not use this against them. Instead use this to your advantage. Their inexperience makes it easier for you to teach them new things and ideas. This helps your partner gain the confidence they need to perform better in the bedroom. Use toys if you’d like. Use lubrication if you must. A woman must be turned on in order for her vagina to produce the secretion so you can ease in to her. If she is self-conscious, nervous, or worried, relax her. Lubricate her so you don’t hurt her. Use lubrication on the man if you need to. This makes for better penetrations. Please by any means necessary, do not discuss your sex life outside the bedroom. This is strictly between you and your partner and should never leave the bedroom. Again discussing your problems with outside sources, gives them leverage and they will use this to their advantage.

Well, this was just a little insight as to how relationship toxicity can have detrimental effects on the body and weakens the balance in the atmosphere. I hope you all enjoy and this will be published in a book soon. #completepositiveenergy

Follow me on Twitter @balanceofsoul 

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