“Shut up, you talk to much! You never listen to me!” How many times have we heard this in a relationship? I’m sure a lot. You’re yelling, he/she is yelling, and no one is listening, because both of you are too busy trying to get your points across. But, how effective do you think yelling over each other is? If both of y’all are talking, then who’s listening? The kicker to these questions are when the real question comes into play. The real question should be, why are we yelling? What is the reason?
The main problem in a lot of relationships today, is lack of communication. This is essential to a successful relationship. The thing is, you all have to learn how to communicate with each other. If there is a disagreement between you two, don’t yell at each other. Sit down and calmly talk to one another. Even if, the person you are talking to gets loud and boisterous, one of you all must maintain a calm head. It is very important to let the other person know you understand where they are coming from. This gives them a sense of understanding, so they will be more receptive to understanding your side, when it’s your turn to talk. Yes I did say turn. You both can’t talk together. Give the person a chance to express their side. When they are finished, then you express your side.
A common misconception with communication, is that often times when a person is upset, they are not upset with you, they are upset at the situation. The problem comes in when instead of saying, “I’m not upset with you, but the situation we are in,” they rather lash out t you. This is the wrong way to go about fixing the issue. The best way to do this is to approach the situation with a calm head. Even if, that means you have to calm down first, or even wait a day or two to address it. Just make sure you are calm first. This way, you can address the situation properly, and you won’t be tempted to say things you won’t regret later. Keeping calm, allows you to gather your thoughts and present yourself pleasantly. I know that some situations may make this hard to do, and that’s alright, but it is essential. Think about this: Let’s say you and your mom are on an outing. There have been some things going on between your father and mother, and you feel like you need to get your point across. You all are enjoying your outing, then the perfect time comes up for you to address the issue. What do you do? Tear into your mom about the issues she’s been having with your dad, or do you calmly approach the situation, giving her an opportunity to speak? If you tear into her, you are more than likely going to say something to her to hurt her, and she’s going to shut you out. People automatically become defensive, when you come off as offensive.
Another reason communication is a problem is profanity. When you are addressing an issue with someone, please refrain from using profanity. Remember, you aren’t talking to your friends, or maybe you are, and if this is the case, refrain from using profanity. Profanity is very disrespectful when trying to resolve an issue. Profanity usually involves name calling. This will always make a bad situation worse. When you start to demean a person because of an issue you are having, this shows the level of maturity you have. Maturity means being fully grown. Grown people don’t demean other grown people. That is something little children do. You all are not little children. Therefore, profanity and name calling ism’t necessary. Making a person feel inferior to you will never get your point across. This just makes your point unheard, as the person you are cursing at will either shut down, or use profanity back as a means of defense.